New York seems to bring out strong emotions in people. Many songs have been written in praise of it, and only this week I watched an episode of “And Just Like That” where beautiful people live beautiful lives in a beautifully clean city while being rude about tourists and their backward ways, not appreciating the “Real” New York. “She asked me to dinner at the Tavern on the Green”, says Miranda to Carrie, as if that is the worst possible faux pas in social history. Cue snobby face pulling.
Now, I am no fan of the throngs of tourists who get in my way as I make my way around London, and I probably think anyone eating in an Aberdeen Angus Steakhouse is a naive fool, but at least we clean the streets from time to time. And have an Underground system that has proper connections. And you don’t have to stop every 15 seconds to cross the road at yet another “block”. And you can get a meal for less than the price of a new kidney (well, a second-hand one at least). I am, as you can probably tell, not a huge fan of New York, but then any city that has its river(s) on the outside, rather than running through the middle is very suspect in my opinion.
My feelings are probably slightly tinged by my reasons for visiting New York, which are rarely touristic (apart from an unseasonably wet visit in August a while back), and mainly for the purpose of sitting in windowless rooms for whole days at a time, grinning. I did once get to spend two days on an aircraft carrier in New York Harbour (a proper British one, not the USS Nimitz): Bringing a piece of Britain to the US is probably the best and only way to do it…
Hotels in New York are breathtakingly expensive, and have become more and more so post-pandemic. Back in the day, you could often grab a good deal on Priceline, and I have managed to grab a bargain at the Ritz Carlton Downtown and the Waldorf (pre-upgrade) in the past, but even at a massive 62% off, you can’t get that quality for under £600 a night, and if you look at the same dates in late September for a Hampton, it is even more expensive than that.
As a result of this, a number of hotels have sprung up that take the usual New York policy of small rooms at high prices, and converted it to tiny rooms at high prices, but maybe sometimes on a slow week, a slightly lower price than some others. Which brings me to the Motto in Times Square.
Motto is a Hilton brand, and the building it sits in has been sliced vertically to accommodate not 1, not 2, but 3 Hilton branded hotels (the other two being the Home2Suites and the Hampton Inn). I think Motto is trying to be a little more sophisticated, which a small but trendy bar area, and a fairly well reviewed restaurant. But the public areas feel tiny and very claustrophobic. “He was a true giant” is one of those phrases I hate hearing applied to anyone, but in this case, that is how I felt, a little Gulliver-like, tripping over luggage and people trying to check-in as I picked my way through reception.
A fun game if you are a regular traveler is trying to blag yourself a better room than you booked. If you have hotel status (I have a wallet full of cards promising me free upgrades and all sorts), you have a better chance of doing this. If things are a bit slow, you may well end up in a much better room, which in New York terms equates to having a room big enough to put your suitcase on the floor. The Motto, unfortunately, is a series of tiny cubes stacked up on top of one another, and the best I could do was get a room away from the lifts (which were millimeters away from the room doors, so small are the corridors), and on a slightly higher floor (albeit with no view, so not sure what that got me).
To give you an idea of the size of the room, the bed is what the Yanks call a “Murphy” bed, ie one that pulls out of the wall. A marvelous idea if you are trying to fake the death of a famous spy (The opening scenes of You Only Live Twice for the uninitiated), but it has no place in a room unless it is the emergency spare. Especially when there is a sign specifically saying it cannot be operated apart from by trained personnel!
This is the room. I am standing where the bed comes down. You will notice that there is no wardrobe, and that the “Hanging space” is over the sink. The shower is designed in such a way that you can’t turn it on without either soaking the bedroom floor, or if you manage to angle the nozzle away, the toilet floor. Yes, they have done the best with what they have, but there was just not enough room to put anything down. Trying to get dressed involved a game of furniture and bag Jenga.
But actually all I really cared about is that there was no kettle or coffee machine. If you have ever traveled Transatlantic, you will be familiar with waking up at 4am for a couple of days, and you do not want to put on your pants and wander the mean streets of the Big Apple in search of a cup of Joe. I always travel with spare coffee, but my travel kettle has got me more than my fair share of pat downs at security, so I try to avoid taking it (and it takes 20 mins to heat up using 110v). Let me tell you, instant coffee made using tepid water from a hotel tap is a sacrifice no road warrior should be made to make. I’m going to put up with the latex glove next time.
At least there was a fridge (quite surprised they didn’t try to sneak another bed in that space)
To be honest, I don’t think the Motto is aimed at the business traveler. Every room is interconnecting on both sides (well, presumably not right on the end…), and the idea is you can get a bunch of people together, get a load of rooms, throw open the doors and pretend you are in an episode of Friends.
What were the good bits? Not the lifts (elevators). Almost impossible to operate (you needed a degree in computer engineering, a swipe card, and very fast legs). It was, however, quiet (some thought has gone into soundproofing), the TV was large and had some streaming options (but not Chromecast or other casting technology).
Yes, that’s about it. You will be compelled to spend some money in the hotel, due to resort fees (which should be banned), or because it is your “perk” (and I use the phrase very loosely) from being a Hilton Honors Gold or higher member. We had dinner, just because it was too hard to set foot out of the hotel, in the Alderman Restaurant, which is tucked out the back behind the lifts. Our waitress was delightful (although like everyone in the US, she had no idea what a Lime and Soda was), but the restaurant was so dark, you could not read your menu. And this was not just because it was three middle-aged blokes. Even our delightful server struggled.
The food and drink were serviceable and unobjectionable (Duck Breast for one of us to start, Steak, Burger and Cauliflower to follow), but the bill was over $80 each once the service was added (20% is the bare, bare minimum in New York, no matter how good or bad the service. Expect to be chased after if you don’t leave a tip: I have seen it). Food costs in New York (or at least Manhattan) have got way out of control.
My top tips for visiting New York are:
- Don’t
- If you really have to, pack as much into one day as you can (Empire State Building, Ellis Island, Statue of Liberty, FAO Schwarz for the “Big” piano)
- Get a Priceline Express Deal.
- Stay Downtown, and get the subway to where you want to go, or even stay over the bridge in Brooklyn for a cooler vibe.
- Eat in diners. There are some great ones, still, if you shop around a bit
- Take the money you have now saved, and buy a ticket to London
If you find yourself stranded near Times Square in the Motto, there is, dead opposite, a surprisingly good deli-style shop (it is neither one nor the other) which serves good breakfast food, and sells items that some idiots forgot to pack (like razors). The coffee is pretty terrible, but it is a lot better than warm water from the tap coffee.
But unless you enjoy the full battery hen experience in what is one of the world’s great tourist hellholes, probably best avoid the Motto altogether.
Conclusion
Overall Rating: 3/5
- Room: 3/5
- Ambiance: 3/5
- Value for money in New York: 4/5
- Value for money anywhere else: 2/5
- Food: 3/5
Motto, Times Square: https://www.hilton.com/en/hotels/nycmoua-motto-new-york-city-times-square/
