If I have anyone to blame for my seemingly endless visits to restaurants, it is Marina O’Loughlin. She used to write restaurant reviews in the Sunday Times, and every week we’d squirrel her recommendations away in case we get the chance to try them out. And as she doesn’t limit herself to London, she often had a few good tips out in the shires, hence we find ourselves at the Union in Rye.

Marina must have liked it, as it was on our list of “Must visits”, although irritatingly I could not find her original review, even behind The Times paywall.

I wish I had, because I wonder if “awful service” might have featured? Maybe that is what I should have been searching for in The Times’ rather hinky app…

It should have been great: I had told a friend of mine that were going to Rye, and he recommended this place, and The Fig (where we went for Valentine’s night. Quick spoiler. The Fig has entered the rarefied pantheon of Mrs Nigel’s “best ever” restaurants, spoken of in the same breath as Riva in Barnes.). And there was a crackling log fire, with a lovely smell of wood smoke, welcoming us in from the freezing cold.

I will tell you that the food was good. This review is not going to be all whinge. However, the whinging is not quite over.

My charming companion’s chair seemed to have had about an inch chopped off one of the legs, so she kept lurching backwards slightly uncontrollably, definitely not caused by alcohol because NO-ONE CAME TO TAKE OUR ORDER.

We timed it: 15 minutes before a menu appeared, despite much gesticulation. The reason? “I had to print some more off”. Really? You didn’t think “Oh, we have 50 covers tonight, so I need at least 50 menus?”

And then another 10 minutes before our order was taken. Grr.

And they ran out of wine, from what was not the most extensive wine list ever. Ok, they ran out of the Australian Shiraz, which has to be a popular choice, and therefore one you should never run out of. I can tell you the Vinho Verde Tinto that came as a substitute was not, in any way, an acceptable substitute. Also, and I am sounding like a broken record here, this new thing about only putting a 125ml glass on the menu as a “Glass” of wine is becoming tiresome. It is the very ugliest face of shrinkflation.

Final gripe on service, and again a common issue.

I love the concept of small plates. It gives you an opportunity to try lots of different dishes, and have a rough idea of how much food you are getting. The late, great Russell Norman popularised this way of eating at his restaurants like Polpo (as well as re-introducing the Negroni – Not sure which innovation is better)

I really hate the fact that lots of restaurants have now called starters “Small plates” and main courses “Large plates” or worse, as here, just stuck them all in a long list differentiated by price alone. At the very least, if you are going to do that, have some indication of size of portion on the menu. Or at the very, very least, train your staff to know the answer to that. We were told, basically, we could have whatever we wanted, some small and some large, or some large and some small, or some small and some small, or maybe a selection of large and large?

Exhausted (as I am sure you are by now, dear reader), we ordered what we hoped was the right amount of food and ate…

I have started to take notes now, as we eat (what fun I am to go out with), as I am conscious that I spend too little time actually talking about what we have been eating, so here goes…

The Beef Rib Skewer was spicy hot and super tasty, but a little chewy and tough.

The Whipped Cod Roe was to die for. Very smoky (could have been the fireplace) and really delicious: Order 2

Brussel Sprouts: Very crunchy and flavoursome, and happily for the one member of the party who is avowedly anti-Brussels, didn’t taste of Brussel Sprouts!

Goat’s cheese and carrots: As you would hope, very cheesy (very, very rich), and some super crackers

Mackerel: Great sauce, lifted by the horseradish

Pork belly: Not the best dish, apart from the crackling, which was awesome. I struggle with crackling at home, so am always in awe of people who get it right.

You will have realised if you are a regular reader that I don’t really do puddings, so they may have been excellent as well.

If you have two nights in Rye, eat here for one of them (for the food, definitely not the service). But if you only have one, I’m afraid this is not the place to come…

Conclusion

Overall rating: 4/5

• Food: 4.5/5
• Service: 3/5
• Atmosphere 4.5/5
• Wine: 3/5
• Value for money: 4/5
• Would we come back: 4/5

The Union Rye: https://www.theunionrye.co.uk/