Wondering where Nigel has been hiding for the last few weeks? Well, a friend of mine sent me on a wild pig chase…

When I mentioned I was off to Malaga for a few days, my friend G, sent me a vast array of recommendations to eat and drink, spread across the Malaga area. G is trilingual (in English, Spanish, and I was told by one of his fellow countrymen a few weeks ago, Glaswegian), and so has seen Malaga from a local’s perspective, which means some of the places were a little inaccessible to us (knowing 100 words of Spanish only gets you so far), but we were keen to try.

We plotted them on a map, and when we got hungry one day, headed for the nearest one that served food. G had been very clear in his instructions. Walk in, and check they were spit roasting an animal, in which case stay, and have multiple plates of some of the most delicious meat imaginable. And if they weren’t, walk out, even if they were insulted! Fighting talk…

The spit was there, as was the animal attached to the spit. Unfortunately it was completely raw, so we did as instructed and bolted. However, if you find yourself in Malaga, follow G’s instructions and head for La Rubia. G may never be able to go back again, however, if they twig he is the reason that pasty Brits are walking in, taking one look, and legging it…

This left us with something of a dilemma. One of us was super hangry, and TripAdvisor in Spain is even worse than TripAdvisor in England, so it is hard to rely on the reviews (except the ones saying “if you’re not Spanish, they are rude to you”: That we understood!). However, there was a place nearby with 4.9 stars, and which opened a few minutes later.

We were temporarily sidetracked by a leatherware shop. I have come under much criticism for my donning of an Eastpac “Man Bag” to carry useful items about my person (and to stop my mother complaining about me stuffing my pockets with junk). I like the shiny zip, but for a man in his twilight years, it is felt inappropriate. Much to the surprise of Mrs Nigel, I actually stopped, looked, and purchased an item (A very natty leather handbag), for the second time that holiday, her having also held me hostage in El Corte Inglés until I bought a new puffy coat. I’m not sure the new disguise is going to convince a stroppy waiter I am Spanish though.

Anyhow, we collapsed onto the benches outside La Casa del Perro, and started to decipher the menu on the chalkboard, with the (not overly helpful) aid of Google Translate. Having done so, the proprietor appeared (a charming lady) and helpfully turned it round, so we could see the English version on the rear!

I was feeling a tiny bit fragile, having been poisoned the night before at the Parador we had been staying at (Can’t wait to write *that* review), but being a brave, and somewhat hungry, soul, I soldiered on. And so pleased that I did!

The Vermut is all organic (Pretty sure that it was organ-free, but Spanish does often get very literally translated to English), and the elixir required to overcome at least some of my queasiness from the night before. Excellent olives as well. The sardines were unbelievable, and the aubergines (A real Andalusian specialty), were excellent. I still prefer honey to treacle, but the owner told me to buzz off when I suggested it.

It was just the right amount of food for lunch. The experience was all the better for being able to sit outside in November to eat.

Only one weird thing about this place. They did not, ostensibly, serve coffee, which I think could be illegal in Spain (or would be if anyone got wind of a cafe anywhere in Spain without a coffee machine). But when I nipped into the loo before we went, I saw an old geezer (and really, he was the mould they used for all old geezers) with a cup of coffee in front of him. I suspect he has been coming in and sitting down at the same table every day for 50 years, and they just don’t have the heart to tell him the place has changed hand 12 times. Still, rather odd, and they missed out on a few Euros, as we weren’t the only people who asked.

All told, great lunch stop. Not perhaps as good as the roast beast at La Rubia (G, the bugger, sent some friends back a few days ago, and they sent the photo below!), but still an excellent place to eat if you are in town.

Conclusion

Overall Rating: 4.5/5

• Food: 4.5/5
• Drinks: 4.5/5
• Service: 4/5 (6/5 by Spanish standards)
• Ambiance: 4.5/5
• Value for money: 4.5/5
• Would we go back? Depends if La Rubia is “frying tonight”

La Casa del Perro: https://lacasadelperro.org/