Being a parent is hard work, but mainly for your children. To make up for being embarrassing, lacking in self awareness and generally being a pain in the arse, I like to treat them each to a lavish birthday meal every year (Mrs Nigel is also engaged in treating them, of course, but she has nothing to make up for…). As discussed in previous reviews, #1 son is a vegetarian, and so all meals have to be planned accordingly. He always complains when we take him to “ordinary” restaurants as there is usually only one vegetarian option. Last night when we visited the all-vegan Mallow, he was complaining there was too much choice: Oh, the hardship.

My guilty secret is that the waves of vegetarianism that swept through the family over the years (acutely felt during the enforced confinement of lockdown) have actually given me an appreciation for British non-meat options. I love a cauliflower (no, I am not being rude about Mrs Nigel), and will often choose a Brassica-based dish even when faced with meat and fish. We greatly enjoyed vegetarian food while in India 30 years ago, but it has take a while for restaurants to catch up here. I’m not talking about the ultra-processed fake bacon and sausages, but the real thing. And Mallow is just that.

A couple of weeks ago I complained about the somewhat condescending service at Sessions Art Club, and do you know what, when I re-read the review, I felt just a tiny twinge of guilt. Was I too harsh? Is it a Gen X thing? Do we just spend our lives complaining about “young people” (we think we’re young, but do generally try to avoid mirrors)? Well, all such thoughts were dispelled when we arrived at Mallow. They were just, well, nice. Not forced, not grudging, just interested and helpful. Of course, they could have run out back and stuck pins into customer-shaped dolls the second our backs were turned, but if they did, they hid it well. Our actual waiter did seem a little off his feed, as if someone had slipped him a THC gummie just before service, but he chilled a bit as the night went on.

One thing we all felt was that the restaurant (which was full) was pleasantly buzzy, but not so loud you couldn’t hear each other. And it was comfortable. This was in stark contrast to our last couple of vegetarian outings to Bubala and Holy Carrot, where the food was amazing, but so was the volume. I had a couple of semaphore flags in my bag in case of emergency, but it wasn’t needed. And the reason? The ceiling had Albert Hall style mushroom baffles to absorb the excess noise. Genius, and worth a star in itself.

Again with the cocktails! Not a classic in sight on the menu, but I did my normal trick of pulling a middle-aged grumpy face and got my straight Negroni, while the birthday boy had Elderflower Mezcalita, which came with an unexpectedly creamy topping (not 100% welcome), and we did wonder how they achieved that without the help of dairy. The others had the Plum Hibiscus Margarita, which I reallly hoped would be sweet and horrible to prove my point about cocktail purity, but sadly (for me) they were declared as good as a “real” Margarita.

Generally portion sizes were generous, as can be seen from the olives below, which were a good-sized portion for 4 quid. We would have liked to have had the set menu, but it was a bit limited for 5 people, so we ordered off the a la carte. What did raise hackles, though, was the scarcity, and price, of the bread. £4.50 for a small amount of sourdough was not great, but £3 per pita was outrageous, especially when the restaurant’s starters consist almost entirely of dips. And also when the pitas are clearly bought in, and not very good. They need fresh and cheap flatbreads a la Bubala, which are amazing (and unlimited with the set menu).

Anyhow, I’d say that the food was 60/40 in terms of great taste. Nothing was bad, but much was under-seasoned, and needed a bit of salt to really bring out the flavours: At least there was salt on the table for a change, so no insulting the chef at least by asking for it.

This lot was the “starters”. In there we have “Tahini Chickpeas”, which is really just Hummus, but it was very good, Sweet Potato Ajvar, which I liked as it had a bit of a kick, Beetroot Rummanyah (You cannot go wrong with Beetroot anything), Mojo Rojo Croquettes (I was the only one who couldn’t see the point of them), and a slightly pointless Bitter Leaf Salad: Figs are everywhere at the moment, and unless they are sticky, juicy and ripe, are best ignored on the menu.

Not sure if I actually captured everything here, but we then had a really excellent Carrot Fattoush, the unusual Swede and Potato Hash Browns (so good that one of the party ate an entire one to themselves, leaving the remaining one between 4…), the incredibly disappointing Mushroom and Hispi skewers (thank God we didn’t buy 2 as we had intended), and smashed potatoes (good) and chips (not good).

We were stuffed. But amazingly some people had room for dessert. Being a vegan restaurant, it’s probably the first time I have ever been pleased that there was no cheese on the menu, and the “Creme Brulee” probably looked better in the recipe book than on the plate, as it was more like a pannacotta, and a slightly rubbery one at that. And if you don’t need a strong arm to crack your way though the crust, it ain’t a Creme Brulee.

The Pistachio Tres Leche was very well received by Mrs Nigel and #2 daughter, but the Ginger Sticky Toffee was a triumph. It tasted like real food (hard to do puddings in a non-dairy style).

It was also a very nice gesture that they brought out some very nice truffles with a candle in it (I am honestly not sure it was a vegan candle, and yes I checked, there is such a thing)

All of this was washed down with a very nice Trebbiano at a very reasonable £30 a bottle.

I am not becoming a vegan, nor a vegetarian, and I had a bacon bap for lunch today to help cement that, but I do think that because you have to try a lot harder to make non-meat options tasty, when they work, they work really well, and so I’m really pleased to be able to recommend this restaurant. Yes, as few lardons mixed in would have improved a few of the dishes immeasurably, but you can’t always get what you want…

Conclusion

Overall Rating: 4.5/5

• Food: 4.5/5
• Service: 4.5
• Drinks: 4/5
• Ambience: 5/5
• Would we go again? Not as a first choice, but not last either

Mallow, Borough Market: https://mallowlondon.com/locations/borough-market/