I have just been here for the fifth time, so they must be doing something right…. Partly, it was the incredible deal we got for two nights in a fantastic room plus one dinner (£277 all in!), but it was also the fact that this Milford hotel has a huge amount to offer, and always at a reasonable price.

But the service, while friendly and well-intentioned, really lets the place down. Am I being unfair? Well, as an example, this is what greeted us when we came to check-in:

I had to phone reception four times before they sent someone (it was well below zero outside), and there was a queue of guests waiting to get in.

This really is a beautiful hotel, the old house of the Siemens family, and no matter how many pictures I have tried to take of it, I can never really capture it, especially the amazing stained glass.

We have tried a number of rooms, and would definitely recommend room 10, which has the funkiest bathroom imaginable (it is huge, and has amazing colour changing ceiling lights). On the website, it is the “Indulgence Plus” (without the sea view). This time, my companion was insistent we should try something else, so we went for the Indulgence with Sea View.

As ever, it was well furnished (although could have done with some more hangers), and the tea and coffee selection were very good (with coffee bags, no less, although nowhere to put the empties, as the mesh bin had no bag in it and I valued the carpet). The rooms do not have fridges (I know hotels don’t want people bringing drinks in, but people have medicines that need a fridge), but this room, as well as my favourite, have a balcony which is useful in the winter.

I must say, having complained about having to have this room, the Sea View really came into its own the next morning. You can see across to the Isle of Wight and the Needles

Breakfast has improved here. While there is still the same high quality cooked breakfast, the fruit and cereals have recently has a makeover. And there is always a fresh honeycomb available, which you very rarely see, and is much classier than a jar! Hard to fault, although it has now been moved out of the main restaurant, which is a shame, as it is a brighter room.

Sadly, the same improvement cannot be said of the evening meal. Milford has a couple of decent restaurants, including the exceptional Verveine, which I must save up to go back to. But especially on a winter’s night, you don’t want to have to traipse into the village, so eating in the hotel would be a great thing to be able to do.

Given we had a £60 dining credit, we thought we would give it another try. And we found exactly what we found before: Good fish and chips, and best avoid everything else. Although, we did have the “Blanchbait”, which was surprisingly good. But the Goat’s Cheese was just cooked enough to be slimy, but not really enough to be warm. And the fish pie was anything but. Mainly lumps of new potato, dotted with a couple of crumbs of (admittedly tasty) fish. Service was slow and disorderly, which was not really the fault of the person serving us (she explained her usual role was elsewhere in the hotel and that she had not had a break for 2 weeks), but very much the fault of the hotel.

And the cheese?

As you can see, the Stilton is very, very much past its sell-by date.

There was a complimentary drink voucher in the room for a beer, a prosecco or a cup of coffee. Bizarrely, no offer of wine, which would be the same price. And a soft drink would be even less. It seems to miss the point a little (so I have saved it for my next trip in case I fancy any of what is on offer for free).

The bar shut at 9.30. Milford is no party town, but that felt a little early for a hotel. Also, on one night, some of the guests (clearly very drunk) were being rowdy enough that some people in the bar made their excuses and went to bed, and even for someone like me, who must be at least part-sailor, the language was fruity, and the volume far too loud. I did persuade them to tone it down, but in reality, that is the job of the staff, who instead continued to serve them booze.

When we came to check out, it was no surprise at all that the £60 dining credit had not been taken off the bill, and that we had been charged for two complementary drinks we had been offered due to our extended stay on the porch. It is just another example of how things just don’t run very well at the Beach House. And for the tofu-eating wokerati among us, it would be good if they took Amex. Yes, the fees are higher, but most hotels now seem comfortable to accept it.

This is a great hotel, and a fantastic walking base. We walked through the marshes to Lymington and back, annoying a number of twitchers on the way as we proceeded at something approaching Scout’s pace. Mrs Nigel was also cursing herself for buying me a “How to be a Better Photographer” book for Xmas, as I kept stopping abruptly as some new shadow interested me.

The service really does need a shake-up, as does the kitchen. I’d like to be able to order something other than fish and chips when I visit and I will visit again (unless I get banned after this review…). I’d certainly be interested to see if this is common to Hall and Woodhouse properties, or just very unique to the Beach House. One of the Hotel Inspector’s bouts of undercover filming would have had a field day…

Conclusion

Rating: 5/5 (The service has to be blamed on the management)

The Beach House: https://www.beachhousemilfordonsea.co.uk/