Recently, #1 Son and his affianced took a major life step and de-affianced: No, they have not split up but are now (if the pictures from the honeymoon are to be believed), in a state of relative marital bliss. I was all for reviewing the amazing wedding venue, but was told in no uncertain terms that my typing days would swiftly be over if that was the case (Sicilians in the family, you know…).

Video Killed the Blogging Star

It was, however, something of a Nigel Noshes fan club meetup, so I feel duty bound to report just a tiny amount of the proceedings. They say you should never meet your heroes, and I am now wondering whether that should be extended to meeting your fans, as it was a Pirandello-esque experience: two characters in search of an author, who cornered him, proceeded to tell him all of the things he needed to change immediately in the name of “improvement”, and demanded nicknames so that they too could appear in print on these hallowed pages.

Much thought has gone into this. Should I give in to the demands of my readers, just to gain more “likes”, as I am told they are called? Or should I stick to my principles, and plough my own furrow, leaving them anonymous and the blog languishing in the unread nether regions of the internet?

Irritatingly, Toil and Trouble (you can work out between you who is who…) were entirely right that we need to move with the times, although I am not convinced that taking a camera crew to dinner with me in the interests of better pictures is going to improve Mrs Nigel’s enjoyment of the evening, and the phrase “video content” made my spine shudder to the degree that I legged it to the chiropractor the second I landed. However, do not be too surprised if we pop up on Substack before long, possibly in place of WordPress entirely. And I am trying to take better pictures I promise (I do like the look of that iPhone 18 Pro Max). I may, may, even attempt to distil the wisdom and humour that is a Nigel Noshes review into a 60 second video segment suitable for the brains and attention spans of anyone whose Gen is below X; consider yourselves warned, there is a trial run at the bottom of this page.

It was, needless to say, an excellent evening, and a delight to discuss not only the shortcomings of my blog, but also of #1 Son: I think I knew all the stories that appeared in the speeches, but Granny, most definitely, did not…

Welcome Break?

But the reason for this review, apart from highlighting two of my most loyal readers, was to talk about the undiscovered country that is Ancona. I did attempt to sing its praises in my review of Osteria del Pozzo, but the Ancona Tourist Board has not yet nominated me for the Ordine al Merito della Repubblica Italiana, so clearly it needs some more help, and let me see if I can tempt anyone to give it a go.

In discussions with la familia, before writing this, I was told that I am not to suggest to anyone that they should go to Ancona for an actual holiday, but instead to say, if you happen to be passing through, you might as well stop, which makes it sound like a Welcome Break on a city scale, but I feel it is a little unfair. As previously highlighted, it has some Roman remains (not that uncommon in Italy, it is true), and some nice churches (ditto), statues of Garibaldi and his less well-known revolutionary cousin Count Cavour (again, not that unusual) and some beaches. And did I mention the leper colony? I realise putting it like this that Ancona sounds like the Italian equivalent of spending a week in Southend when you could have gone to St Tropez, but it does have some high points, and I intend to prove la familia wrong one slice at a time.

Point Break

Pizza. You really have to go there to try the pizza. I was rather horrified while we were in Ancona to discover that “Napoli on the Road”, purveyors of Britain’s most average pizza, had won the “World’s Best Pizzeria” award, which means that the best pizzeria on the planet is apparently a short hop from my front door in Richmond and I had never noticed (and I’ve been there). Unless the whole thing was sponsored by Napoli on the Road, with the judges assisted by the Camorra, this was utterly baffling to me, but then I don’t like this Neapolitan scourge that has hit London (to be crystal clear, and for the benefit of my own longevity, I mean floppy pizza, not the Neapolitan Mafia). I can safely say the very best pizza I have ever had is at Farinando, a very short walk from the Fascist-era and therefore very imposing war memorial on the Passetto. It is served as slices, and cooked as vast sheets, yet I have never had anything that is such a perfect blend of crispiness and flavour.

The downside? Don’t even think about not knowing what you want, as the queue behind you will build up quickly and angrily. Just point (this worked well when the Italian speakers among us were not present), and have only 2 slices, unless you are a growing lad, in which case 3 seems to be the right number. They have a reasonably good selection of drinks in the fridge, and you can eat outside on tables on the street, but your best bet is probably to walk down to the sweeping steps down to the beach, and watch the sun go down (actually it faces east, which makes it hard, but it’s still a lovely spot).

Briefs Encounter

If you’re going to stay, there are not a huge number of great hotels, but you could do a lot worse than the Grand Hotel Passetto, which has a pool, some great views, and is very reasonably priced. It is definitely worth getting one of the sea view rooms on the top floor, which have the views, and many of which have large terraces, although they are quite exposed. If you can, get one of the suites on the end: They are junior suite sized, but if the sun is out, it is one of the best places to enjoy the sun in Ancona, so long as you can avoid looking at the neighbours. Ours decided to spend much of his time walking around in a pair of Y-fronts with a tea towel over his head, and the view was definitely not the one advertised in the brochure.

Plumbing the Depths

Beaches, I did promise beaches, and there is one right in the middle of Ancona (down the steps from the Passetto), and some further out towards Portonovo. We found a brilliant snack bar on the beach at Portonovo, serving fishy stuff in buns. Very welcome. We would not necessarily have gone out to Portonovo (which has an excellent bus connection from the main town) had it not been for the fact that the town beach has one major drawback: It is also the sewage overflow during storms. In London we like to dump it into the Thames, next to the tourists. In Ancona, they cut out the middleman and dump it on to the tourists… Check the Comune website with Google Translate turned on to find out whether you will be swimming with the fishes, Camorra-style, or with something far worse…

Double-Edged Swordfish

Final mention goes to another restaurant, Giardino, where we went for the grown-ups meal the night before the nuptials. And, in fact, went back to on the Sunday before we left, when it was packed with locals (which is good, as we were the only tourists in Ancona at this point). Regular readers will want to know that, having finally made it to the homeland of the Negroni, the Negroni test was suspended for the weekend on the grounds that the father of the groom was required to remain vertical for the speeches and drive the day after the wedding, so the barometer will have to wait for my next visit. The food in here is, in the main, excellent, with a real emphasis on high-quality fish. Mrs Nigel had the best sea bass she has ever had, and it is one of her go to dishes (she caused the historic monkfish shortage in the mid-90s, so stock up on sea bass now), so that should show you how good it was. However, I showed that my ability to choose the worst thing on the menu is actually genetic as both Nigel and Nigel père ordered swordfish, and it came out spongy and tasteless. How you turn a fish noted for its muscly tone into something akin to pork fat I don’t know, but they did it. But don’t hold it against them, as it is otherwise an excellent choice. We tried a few other places while we were in Ancona, and this and Osteria del Pozzo are definitely two of the best dining choices.

Verdict: Gone in 60 Seconds

Ancona is never going to be Rimini, its chi-chi neighbour an hour to the North (if you drive like an Italian), but it has its charms, so long as you keep your eyes shut as you drive in, stick to the main east-west axis through the city, which is laid out as a “sea-to-sea” walk, and learn the Italian for sewage.

So, is it a Welcome Break on a city scale, as la familia would have it? I say it is worth a good deal more than a sausage roll and a comfort stop, not least because the neighbouring countryside is breathtaking, with some amazing wineries, including the fabulous Moroder, which is where we had the wedding reception (Toil and Trouble assure me that nobody whose Gen is below X reads this far, so #1 Daughter-in-Law will never find out I’ve mentioned it), as well as some great walking trails. Go in April, May or September for the best of the weather (and sometimes the worst) to see Ancona at its very peak.

And for those of you who skipped straight to the bottom, as promised, here is the quick guide in 60 seconds (coming soon to a video platform near you): Pizza at Farinando (point at two slices, three if growing), a top floor sea view room at the Grand Hotel Passetto (mind the neighbours), fish at Giardino (anything but the swordfish), Portonovo for the beach and the Comune website before you swim anywhere else. There you go, Toil and Trouble. Now can I have my blog back?

Conclusion

Overall Rating: 4/5

• Food: 4.5/5
• Wine: 4/5
• Ambience: 4/5
• Value for Money: 4.5/5
• Price: ££
• Would we go back? Depends on whether I can show my face again after this review

Ancona: https://www.comune.ancona.it/it